-Final-

I have lost the game, Continue? No.

I guess I have to fix some parts of me. See all the thing I go through this far.... Pretty heavy. Things will not be the same for how I see things now. Just a few hours ago I felt I'm in stuck and not free. And now, I feel right now is just... a new chapter. I manage to go this through till the end without having any physical cuts.

There's No String on me now.

Though I'm still not happy with the ending.... But what to do? What is fated is fated. Right now... I need something. Something that can make things better in terms of the same problem in future.

What I need... is Change..a  New Dawn.

-Final-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-0.9 Final-

The whole entire day she seems to be... quiet infront of me? There's an explanation in my head about this.

Basically she's already with that guy without thinking about my options,. or maybe she did. And now, she doesn't know what to say infront of me. Perhaps she just want to keep this as a secret infront of me so that I may keep on thinking that she's not with that person yet? and our friendship won't dissappear?  well.. I'll find evidence about it.

Perhaps she will tell me if start messaging with her again? I'll talk about school things, and in the end she might say something like 'btw, just to tell you, I chose him already." or something else similar to that. I hope it does not happen.

-0.9 Final-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-0.898 Final-

Experience alone again. I totally hate it. But it's what the current situation is. What can I do?

I think sooner later she might say either something negative or nothing at all.

-0.898 Final-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-0.8 Final-

Didn't chat with her through out the weekend. And somehow it feels much better for me to ignore this matter for awhile. The reason for not chatting is not because I want to, it's because the reason she said to me before, and i remember wrote it in the last blog. So basically she's always out with that guy. And due to that reason, I believe she won't be the type of person that would reply texts fast. Like a reply every one hour or two? Sometimes 5 to 6. The other reason is because I let her enjoy for the time being. If I keep on texting her, I don't think she would like it.Because now I if start talking/chatting/messaging with her, she may start thinking about the things I said and start to be lookin' stressed out again.

Just wait till she see my face tomorrow, and that will be the moment she'll start thinking again. She should know.... That time is short now.

What if tomorrow she comes to me and says 'sorry'? Or any others like 'I tried to think for the best,and I think he's better than you',' he confessed and I accepted','Since you didn't give me much option, sorry I'll have to choose him' or any other negative responds....

Hopefully nothing bad happens.

-0.8 Final-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-Wow-Not Final-

So many people I know near my age (17-21) are married already for god sake. I cannot lose my battle now!!

Now now don't get me wrong, it's not like I was thinking about 'that'.. I was just thinking., it's like yesterday I was still 10 years old, or the age of people that does not think of marriage at all. Never know that it can be so soon. Time indeed flies. Never know I have to face such 'event' very soon.

The 'event' Im refering is not about marriage. But it's the battle where I must win someone, or else if the other person wins, and if they can stand together until their marriage, that's the point where I'll never have the chance anymore. Since that person will be with her true love.

Now come back to this person. I don't think of marriage yet, since it's still in far future.But I really have to win her soon, so that in future i won't regret.

She told me that, ALMOST everyday she hangs out with that guy. Today she didn't attend a friend's party. Perhaps that guy invited her to go somewhere again? And since she's driven away to that guy and now she don't even care about us, friends anymore?

It's very hard to trust her now. She may end up with that anytime now. A song suddenly plays in my mind..

I see you driving round town with the girl I love and I'm like, "FUCK YOU!".

-Not wow-Not Final-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-0.7 to Final-

Everything went into mess. Now she's left 3 choices.

1) Take him Leave me

2) Take me Leave him

3) Take me, prove me, wrong me, brake me, go him, take him.

But the 3rd option will be removed if that guy confesses to her in near future. Only if she haven't choose any of the option.

I would say.... she should choose something, perhaps the 3rd option, before Valentine. Because I really think that this Valentine's day will be the day that the guy will confesses his feeling towards her.

-Rejection is far more painful than being told by that girl that she has someone already-

.......

Today I went to cinema watching Robocop. The movie's good but the feeling I have inside makes the film turns bad the whole way. Don't get me wrong, the movie's good, but the feeling I have inside makes me cannot enjoy the film.

The reason is, I planned to ask her out to watch this movie, but instead she went watching it with that guy instead. So yea. Did not enjoy the good movie. I rate it 7/10.

........

I have other option actually. But it's not a good one. 

Basically...... I seal my feeling towards her and perhaps go to someone else. I can do it, cause I manage to do it yesterday. But since she's already into this matter, I'll just watch how things will go. I'm also not really sure how long this 'seal' can last though, that's why I said it's not a good one.

My journey for a year over is not end yet. But I think soon will. Guess....I have to..

                                                  Work It Harder

                                                                                                                                  Make It Better

     Do It Faster

                                                                                 Makes us Stronger

I do that because..... well....

                                  More Than Ever 

                                                                                                                             Hour After

               Our work is

                                                                NEVER OVER

-0.7 to Final-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-Song-Myself-Not Final-

Don't you say you're sorry.
I cannot go on with such an answer.
Although I would like to go with the way you want.

Don't you say you are with him.
That would only make me still live in darkness.
So please do help me before you become his.

It's been the same way the same way through.
My life is alone and no one wants to help me.
Don't tell me this is, something I must be.

I've been trying and trying to.
But I can't,since no-one wants to help me.
From this world of loneliness, that I'm in.

Ooooh

Why don't just be mine?
You won't lose anyone.

Stop worry and be with me.
And I'll prove happiness.

What if we can't be together at all?
And you may lose your friend.

Without you my life stay, and life by....by myself.

-Myself-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-0.7 Final-

She said she only see me as a close friend. Nothing more

I told her that we can change our way to look at others.

Now, she's going out with the girl she likes.

What I hope now is.

-That guy, doesn't confess his feelings today. Or even tomorrow.

 -0.7 Final-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-0.6 to Final-

She began to act very different...I just can't imagine the brutal things she's goint to say to me later.

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-Semi Finale-

I'm going to lose her next day or sooner later.

But god told me not to think negatively. Somehow...he told me not to give up yet.

I'll see if my rehab worth this event.

The only hope I have is that, she would really really listen to my words and think about it. I hope this face to face will work better than texting.

-Semi Finale-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-21-

Well i think today is the day she's going back here from Chinese New year. And as well... Should be the day she hang out with her guy.

I'm not really stress out if she's with him. I'm just... bored now. Feeling the loneliness.

It's too quiet now. I feel like I'm dying to this loneliness. Oh well, if my life is fated to be like this.... then I can't do anything.

EDIT:

Quite long later.

No receive anything yet. So basically she's out with him and now... perhaps the guy confess his feelings and she accepts him immediately without she thinking of me. If things go uncool like that, then I won't be cool anymore to her.

Well basically I asked her to 'see' me as someone more than friend. And up to now she has not yet say anything. Let's just see fate. Rather I meant to be hers or not.

Think positive if she really goes to him without thinking of me and let's say fate....is positive towards me.

A drama?

I wouldn't want a drama whereby in the end she breaks up with that guy and began a story with me. Time is short now. Eventhough it's kind of a drama where people can make series of, for my best... Now it's not time for that.

Worst reply now will be, 'I can't, sorry','I don't want to.','I really really can't... even if I want to.','I'm already with that guy...', 'I feel weird thinking about it.' or......either she Ignored/Don't want reply or perhaps.... 'message failed to send'.....and many others...negative reply...

Kind of weird....now...

Don't tell me???!! Get drunk and they start partying??????And more party? and party?...party...par..

This is getting......

-21-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-20-

Pretty stressed up.  This anxiety is so annoying. I don't know why but her reply this time was very brutal that it makes me think alot.

well I think it's just because no emotions were used by her this time. it makes me feel like.... she's so dead serious that she just want be to stay as her friend.

She wants to keep me. But she does not want help me to solve the problem.

I have to stay relax. I have the sign of having AID.I have to reduce my thinking... or i may get stressed up again.

-20-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-19-

I didn't read finish about the reply.  but is about... 'try' and 'friend' if im not mistaken. what could it be?

try to be friends with her when she have him?
-I won't do that. I have already experienced it. so no want again.

if we remove 'friend'

she want to try out with him?
-kiss me goodbye.

-19-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-18-

Even things are not end yet, seems like I definitely going to to lose her in the end.... What I mean... She'll soon end up with him..That's what I feel...She seems to be more on his side until now....

Now I lost the will to win the battle...But I didn't say I give up... I still want to get her..I still want to win.. so I'll just play along this.... game...just...see..

......

......

......

......

......

I still want her..

-18-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-17-

She did not reply at all. Wow. This means bad. I sent somethings bad, now I don't get reply. This is bad...

What if she's thinking about how to get rid of me????And it takes her time to think what to reply???...

NOOOO!!!!!!

it couldn't end like this.... Please don't reply me something like that..  :S

Please don't...

Please....

Pl....

Since I'll read her reply next morning, basically tonight I wont't be able to sleep again....

-17-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯