i don't know how to start off. if you remember, today you are going back to your hometown.
well..don't know what to say now.i mean, i don't really know my current feeling.
it's like, i thought i'd be better if i don't get to see you, but..its just the beginning, yet im already like this.
im kind of sad that you are leaving. yet...after i realize something, which just happened awhile ago..
am i... really your close friend? ARE you also my close friend?
we might not be able to see eyes to eyes anymore for long time.yet... i remember back then, when it is...don't remember what holiday was it, but it last for 2 weeks.
hey, you replied my line~ forget it, i probably won't reply until you reach your hometown anyway.
kay back to topic.
before you left, i remember you hugged me and say goodbye, even though it's only 2 weeks.yet now?
it's like, i won't even be here anymore, i may stay in singapore immediately.
so... i don't know. im just about to remove you away from my friend list. but will that work for me?
bullshit. i always wanted to do this, but.... in the end i didn't. cause im afraid. AFRAID IF I LOSE SOMEONE THAT IS CLOSE TO ME FOR LONG TIME.
im not a good friend in the first place. you sent me picture of a group of people sending you off at the airport. in truth im jealous as hell. and also im not there, which makes me feel like, im not you friend at all. i..i...i....i
never have friends that do care about me do i?
the surprise birthday party can't be the reason people care about me. the one who set up was one (the only one who gives shit about me). others came because the were invited. why i say so?
because if someone were to invite me to a (friend who i don't care about)'s birthday party, i will still go anyway. it's just because i got invited, so why don't i just go? so basically, this my surprise party is not the proof of people care about me, this only proofs that one or two people gives shit about me.
i hear airplane' engine, 2 engines plane type of noise, flying towards the west. well, it could be you.
back to topic. wait, the party was for 2 person, me and my friend. so... basically this party cannot be the proof of friendship at all. perhaps it's only for my other friend, they put me in because they don't want me to think bad about them (don't give shit anyway if they don't celebrate mine).
so... the party, is not a reliable example of friendship.
i remember you said that you are lonely after your close friend left you, now you are not.
it's so easy to be you. you can but things that i can't buy, you can have MORE friends after losing one.
so if you lost me, means you can have more friends then.
i really... envy you now. you... cannot say that you are lonely anymore. you always have someone to be there for you, you always have. you....
i don't think i should be your friend. i never do good things that can make you cheer up when you are down.like few days ago when you money got stolen. i sat behind you without knowing what to do while you were crying there. im the worst friend of yours, something i can't deny. you have your 'GANG' that can make you smile and company you anytime. it's bad for me having only one best friend, since whenever you are with them, i always be the pebble in the pond... won't get noticed at all. but 'best' friend means 'best' already, and in life, there is only ONE BEST, therefore i can't have 2 best friends.
Today, just the morning, im felt pretty bad already, by:
-thinking that im not your close friend.(not the first time)
-jealous due to your friend, after lost 1, gain 10.means never get lonely.
-thinking that no one would care about me( actually this already happened for long time).
-you went back hometown.
-you have more reliable friends.
-other 2 minor thing that makes me sensitive.
HALLO IT'S ONLY 10 IN THE MORNING YET IM ALREADY LIKE THIS?
later i have to go out... it's novie's birthday remember?
SHITTITITITITITTTTTT I FORGOT TO SAY HAPPY BDAY LAST NIGHTT AT 12!!!!! WHAT KIND OF FRIEND AM I?????FUCKKKK SHITTTTTT IM SO.... this is one proof that i'm a the worst friend you have, since i might forget to say to you later at your birthday.
i just hope that later i don't have bad times, cause early in the morning is already bad.
.....
what else...
i think that's all.
wait... last thing that makes me sad. but happens for almost 2 years already...
-I still like you until now. even with all the worst and change, you have given me.