im currently trying my best to cool myself down.
if not.. i can explode anytime.
it's not like the first or second time.
but why, when ever i want to go out with you, just normal out, like i always do with others, THERE'S ALWAYS FUCKING PROBLEMS?
ALWAYS? FUCK? DAFAQ? CHAO CIBAI WHY ALWAYS HOR???
AM I REALLY GOT CURSED THAT I CAN'T GO OUT WITH YOU?
WHY IS IT SO EASY TO GO OUT WHOLE DAY WITH OTHERS, BUT NOT YOU?
CHAO LANJIAO CANNOT STAND THIS ALREADY.
don't get me wrong. im not angry with you...
it's just that. WHY ONLY YOU?
DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG THAT MAKES MY LIFE SO HARD?
FUCK LA THIS YEAR. BRING SO MUCH SHIT ABOUT MY FRIENDSHIP WHICH IN THE END CAUSES ME HAVING A BAD NAME IN THE FAMILY.
if this is truly god's punishment, why? god, why? what did i do wrong? can i please know? so that i can learn from it? that it is wrong?
so much... too much... this year...i.... i....
seems like... my emotion trough out this year is about to come out again...
i want to have someone care about me...
i want to have someone love me...
i want to change...
i want to be more mature and have open mind...
i want to know what is it like being loved by someone else not from my family...
i want to get closer with you...
i want...
that's why i want a girlfriend.
but seems like what i have gotten is totally different...
i learn that, loving a best friend is bullshit, yet i still don't know why people says that 'they are lucky to be in love with their best friend'.
i learn that, i have gotten my liver having decomposed twice faster than the rate of normal people, because of thinking too much until cannot sleep.
i learn that, i became much the nigger sheep of the family.
i learn that, my best friend is not who i think she is.
l learn that, i have gotten much worst and gain more shit in my head.
i just really want you to know all about my suffering.
but who am i?
im not like someone that can simply order others to do things.
even if you know my story, i guarantee, you won't give a shit about me. which i already acknowledge that for long.
2013 maybe shit... hopefully next year, 2014, everything will be much better.
but i'm glad that, this year, my results in school is better than last year. could say the best i have gotten so far in my life.
WAIT!!!
don't tell me i have gotten so much sadness, so that my result will be better?
don't tell me that all my happiness throughout the year had been switched to the sadness i will get after getting my exam result? therefore i have been suffering through out the year, but my result is getting better?
i think... normal life is better than having things to be switch...