-

I heard you are going to continue studying at Swinburne...

Well, I can't follow you there since I have to take A level.

I... can't do what I think I should do anymore. I...

You'll be accepted, definitely. 

That's why i said 100%.

You can't be possibly get rejected right?

That's why I hope miracle can change it.

Now why do I want to be so close with you so much.

It's so that I can do what I should do, in order for me to forget you.

Seems like god protected you. And I...will continue to have the same feelings.

Seems like god doesn't want me to think that way. 

I have 2 minds about you. What's stated above is my dark side

Why is it dark?
Cause i always want to forget/get rid of you, when you didn't do anything wrong.

Feels kind of bad.

But in the end i think you are going to be ended up with someone and... ofcourse I can't get near you already if that were to happen. And that forces me to avoid you? and form there i get will use to avoid you and will cause us to be like normal friends? No longer best friend? I don't know la... It's just there is so much thing can happen. 'Bad things' can happen.

Back to topic.

My other mind is that, I think I can do better than the rest of people that you ever together or liked before.

Now let's look into the past.

1) I think your first boyfriend here was... the guy who is with Morgane currently? But in the end you broke up with him since you don't like his style or behavior?

-I'm like totally opposite of him , what he likes is what i dislike. So therefore there's a chance?

2) Can't really remember who.. but was it the guy from your hometown or somewhere else in Indonesia?

You broke up with him cause you guys never get to visit each other, chat only using phone and definitely due to long distance relationship.

-Even  though we are in the same city, this one I can't help if you are not doing A level with me, but this is what I thought about last year when we are still in the same class together.

2.5) I forgot about this one, that's why it is .5, i finish typing everything and just remembered this one. You liked someone in my older brother's class. I remember you asked me to ask my older brother for his number. I got it for you, you confess, and you know next.

-I can't really say anything for this one. Just tell you that, it'll be awkward if he gets together with you. He don't really know you much. How do I know? You know la. This one i also can't help since you are at Swinburne next year, 

3) With my 'Boss'? Broke up with him cause your elder brother found out that you date with what he refers 'Sampah Negara' (I don't think he is one), since he always cause trouble in school.

-I don't do what he does. but i don't think your family will have problem with me?(that I cannot say actually, cause i don't know a thing about your family) it's just that I'm not like him, so there should be any problem.

4)This one you didn't get together, but you liked him so much that I literally can get jealous in present time and you said because of him you didn't want to be in relationship anymore. Who else if is not your G? You were rejected by him.. which causes the problem.

-I'm here. I like you as much as you liked him. Yet you don't wanna give it a try. Since I also want to know if I can make you like me as much as you like him. I would say, he have/likes someone at that time and he rejects you cause what he did was just making you like him without he knowing it. Damn... Jealous of that guy. Getting something that can never happen to me.

5)This A level guy. hot damn... Still angry about it, but it can't be help. Broke up with him because you said that.... don't get to see each other much and that makes it feels like you're just... friend with him? So basically you lost you feeling towards him. 

-i see a lot here that can me you lost your feelings. Of course it's very obvious. First off, he is in other class, you don't get to see him all time, that makes you feel... not in touch ( i don't really know if this is true)? The feelings when you go out with him. Damn awkward of course. What happen if someone sees you guys together? Big story of course. That makes you cannot go out with him, even if you go out, you might feel scared if someone sees you guys together ( i don't think you allow that to happen). Ermmm... Cannot hang out in school for too long I say, since it can make other people think that you guys are together. or afraid if someone starts gossiping about you guys. others? you know yourself la.

-Now me, we were in the same class together. We hang out most of the time, we went out together (not so much cause you know why) we sit together and talk a lot in some classes. That is already making us very close, means if we were to be together, the news about us getting together is not big. it's like... people see us together like all the time, they used to it, some even thought or say that we are together (I fucking hate this one, even though they are just playing). if we were to get together, so things will be the same, no changes, only feeling and relationship of ours changes. 

-So basically, i'am different from any of the people you liked and ever get together with before.

-But i will never get the chance anymore since we are not going to be in same school anymore.

Now back to the main topic.

So.

What have I done wrong that I get these things to happen?

This is too much that, it seems like.... it's done in purpose.

God seems to like.... purposely put me in to this situation.

All I have experienced this year is too... much I would say?

Why?..  

I think I did break a promise i made..

Yes I did...

I did broke my promise...

Dear almighty god. 

Forgive me for what i have done. Forgive me if I did something bad.

I know that I'm a person that have sinned a lot. Forgive me for what I have done.

I promise I'll never do such things again.Give me a last chance.

I never will ever brake my promise again. But please stop me when I'am going to.

Help me to control myself at the time I can't. Teach me to stop doing those sinned action.

So, I hereby pray that I can have a last chance and promise not to break my promise I made today.

Amen. 

I never know that i made it this far. I can't just give up. But i think i should, after hearing you going to Swinburne to study. Hopefully, miracle can happen. Of course i'm not going to do what i think i should do before, that's a promise if you stay back A level with me.

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯