Nothing relate to the war and the current event.
From time to time, I've thinking. Why I haven't get happiness like any others? Is it my life meant to be like this? For the past couple days, I've lost my appetite and mood of playing games, due to all these things.
Now's the first days of Chinese New Year. It's suppose to be like a family reunion like that. But my family don't seems to care at all. I would like to go back my hometown to see everyone...uncle, aunties... cousins. But I feel.... hated there. No one likes me. Teachers, friends asked me if I'm going back. I said no. They were surprised.
Then I began to wonder. What does a family reunion feels like? What do people actually do at family reunion?
I always alone in the end. I do like being alone sometimes, but not all the time. When I want to be alone, there's always something that disturbs me. And when I do not want to be alone.... there's always nobody by my side....Even if I have a close friend. I always end up alone.
That's why I want to be with someone....I need someone that can make me feels....not lonely. And sadly, I never get together with someone I like. I'm always alone, more than with anyone... and I'm kind of sick of it sometimes. I feel so.... cornered.
As I type, there's this chill feeling from my chest, going down to my abdomen. The feeling when we people get so sad, that want to cry for it.
Well, so far I have not yet land a single tears yet.
I'll be strong. But for how long?
Back to the event.
Talking about loneliness. If I were to avoid her... means I'm going to be much more alone than usual... I have to think of something.
-12.5-