Supposed to be posted a week ago.
I believe:
It can make me more mature.
It can make my eyes open.
It can change the my ways of doing things.
It can change things that is impossible for me to change it on my own.
It can answer my questions.
It can answer my wonders.
It can etc.
But seems like the "it" turned me into this:
Became aggressive.
Became stressed up more than before.
Became rude.
Became someone that I hate.
Became stupid.
Became manner less.
Became frustrated almost everyday.
Became less confident.
Became scarred.
Became having more stressful question.
A perfect medicine that turns into a poison.
Ever since the day I got lots of stressful questions, I often ask and answer my own question regarding the topic. This time I try type out everything.
The followings are not planned. Hopefully I learn things.
What did you do to feel better?
Lot of things. But failed.
Why failed?
Feeling changes whenever I meet her.
Why?
I don't know.
What's the situation like?
Up to today, I have been trying me best to forget about those things.About her. And memories.
I always have the feeling that I can do it.
But whenever I see her, my feeling changes and made me forget about the main feeling I supposed to have.
Did you know that by insulting the person badly in head makes you hate him/her?
I can't do that.
Then you'll be like this for a long time.
I f***ing know that.
Then? It's like you have the way to forget about someone, yet you don't want to do it. Do you really want to forget her?
I do but, I think it's too harsh to do that.
Harsh? But..... Well, it's not harsh, but do you remember what she answer you about 'trying'?
Yea. She doesn't wanna try. What about it?
What about it? It means that you don't worth a try.
I don't get it.
A shoe. It's old and ugly. Will you give it a try wearing it?
Hell no, why would...... So I have been a terrible looking shoe?
Duh??
But I can still be cleaned right?
Can a shoe move by itself? Can it clean itself? Can it bring itself into a shoe repairer shop?
Can right if there's someone who is...... I understand now.
See? No one in the world would buy an ugly looking shoe right? If you are clean and good looking, women will come and buy. But your case is....No one EVEN WANNA try you. I know that you may be comfortable in the inside. But the outside is already... Chasing females away. And of course you know where does the shoe that isn't worth selling goes to? You already know.
Just wait a second. Heart is the one that decide the person's beauty. I can just change right?
But, isn't changing your behavior and heart, is the impossible thing to do on your own?
NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE IN LIFE.
MEANS THAT IT IS POSSIBLE IN LIFE YOU CAN HAVE SOMETHING IMPOSSIBLE RIGHT?
So...Doesn't it make me into someone who is... not worth being try.....even though I do my best to be better?
Absolutely right. Just stop trying, it's a foolish thing for you to do. You are just like some retard fishing at a public swimming pool, when you know that you'll never get anything. Just give up alright?
Just give up...
Yes. Don't treat her as good anymore.You may still like her abit, but still. This is the only way that is not harsh to get the hell out of your misery, Remember that you are the type that is 'Equal' ( treat someone equally as how much he/she treats you). She hardly goes to you and talk to you. She never comes to you when you are lonely. She never call or text you as much as you did. Make things worst, she only text or call you when it is emergency, but you? Always rubbish all the time. You only waste her time. Do you remember your last 'Best Friend'? When every time he calls or texts you, you always got annoyed right? Even though you are 'Best Friend' with him. You don't know how much she cares about you. But of course not as much right? You have been observing around and I won't spill it out here. By observing, I don't believe she enjoy texting nor calling with you. So just stop it. Stop trying to win something impossible right?
I don't think you and her are meant to be together. I don't even think you meant to be together with anyone.You always fail in this subject.
You can't say that since the future holds the true answer. I always fail because no one in this world wants to show me HOW.
You got the point. Well from this argument, I believe you understand what to do, even though the audience may not understand.
Ok... So?
Just do it.
Understood.