-16-

Is it nuke? Force Field wasn't activated at the correct time. So the missile landed in the base, but did not explode. So.... is it nuke or normal type? Or spoiled missile?  None dares to check.

Reality 

After what I replied last night, I think her reply now might make me down again. Always this Short and Brutal message comes from her all the time. Just.... don't know how brutal it might be this time.

My reply was about the negative impact I would get if things doesn't go well. I can imagine her reply will be like,'life's hard, we have to get use to it.','i felt disgusted...','I can't leave that person.','sorry...I'm already with him :o' or any other answer that is either the same or depressing.  

I hope things are not over yet...

-16-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-15-

I think I just replied her something that can only make matter worst....

-15-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-14-

The enemy's sending missile straight to us!! Will the force field be able to hold it? Is it a nuke?

Back to reality

I asked her what does she mean by 'unofficial' relationship. I should have asked though =0= I can tell I'll be depress  again by her reply. Her reply always SHORT and BRUTAL. Where mine is long and humane. 

I very not prepare to read the damn reply. I might get something that can just end everything.

What if I a reply where by she goes to my side???
.
..
......
.........
BAHHAHAHH!!!!!!!

Kindda funny to think about it!!! Me getting that kind of reply!!

Forget about it. Just hope I didn't get nukes... or hopefully working missiles. I hope the missiles has error in the inside. Therefore it won't explode.

I have to face what I'm scared of...

Pray for me please....

-14-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-13-

These days I don't know why I always feel something bites me. Referring to small insects actually. And my skin always have this....bump? Usually appears after mosquito bites. But mine is not circular, it has random shape. What have I gotten?

My neck's  muscle is at pain too now. But not so bad. But still, it's uncomfortable =0= My hand's also in pain.... When I was asked to handle something, it'll hurt. Not very bad, but still bad.  My leg's muscles also hurt if I start to walk very fast. This one perhaps I got it when I ran at the park two days ago.

As usual, runny nose =0= totally ruins our sleep. I caught cough too =0= At the morning I would be like waking everyone up with my morning cough. I don't know why but I smell fish everytime I start to cough. Hopefully not infections though.

-13-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-12.5-

Nothing relate to the war and the current event.

From time to time, I've thinking. Why I haven't get happiness like any others? Is it my life meant to be like this? For the past couple days, I've lost my appetite and mood of playing games, due to all these things.

Now's the first days of Chinese New Year. It's suppose to be like a family reunion like that. But my family don't seems to care at all. I would like to go back my hometown to see everyone...uncle, aunties... cousins. But I feel.... hated there. No one likes me. Teachers, friends asked me if I'm going back. I said no. They were surprised.

Then I began to wonder. What does a family reunion feels like? What do people actually do at family reunion?

I always alone in the end. I do like being alone sometimes, but not all the time. When I want to be alone, there's always something that disturbs me. And when I do not want to be alone.... there's always nobody by my side....Even if I have a close friend. I always end up alone.

That's why I want to be with someone....I need someone that can make me feels....not lonely. And sadly, I never get together with someone I like. I'm always alone, more than with anyone... and I'm kind of sick of it sometimes. I feel so.... cornered.

As I type, there's this chill feeling from my chest, going down to my abdomen. The feeling when we people get so sad, that want to cry for it.

Well, so far I have not yet land a single tears yet.  

I'll be strong. But for how long?

Back to the event.

Talking about loneliness. If I were to avoid her... means I'm going to be much more alone than usual... I have to think of something.

-12.5-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-12-

Enemy's advancing fast. 6 times faster than predicted. We're hell going down.

Back to reality

From what I can tell, Dark Dawn is the only thing could happen.... Just when??

Why does she have to keep me so long all the time?

-12-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-11-

Day 7 of the war.

The enemy has fired nukes to our base. We though it was the end. But luckily our engineers manage to built Force Field around the base. So the destruction is at it's minimal. But the enemy is advancing fast. They may secretly send some petards into the base silently and blow up the inside. So we have to be careful.

Back to reality

She told me she's already with him. But 'unofficially' with him. Why would she do that? She's just making her choices worst.

I though it would be like this:

     Me-----If something bad happen
    /               |        
   /        Normal life (Gain my point : +1)
  /              | or
Choose     |  ------------------------------>Different life
 \               |                                                        |
  \              | Get                                            My point =0
    \           V                                                       |
      \---->Him ------------> If something bad happen.-------- My point =1 --> Normal life



But now:

  Me----->If something bad happen.----->Normal life
    /                
   /            
  /            
Choose                         Different life
 \                                            /
  \                                         /
    \                                    /
      \---->Him -------> If something bad happen.

Well, she made things harder.

-11-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-10-

Day 6.

The missile launched was brutally done by me, until there's smoke everywhere. But I kept on firing.

But then I didn't realize that the enemy has force field protecting it's base.

Now the only choice I have is to send a Force Field squad secretly to enemy's base and disable the enemy's field.  I hope at this time, the enemy won't send us nuke.... Or else, everything will end...

Back to real life.

Now, I'm really scared to on my phone's 3G or accessing it to the internet. I just.... afraid if she send me messages that would end everything, like 'enough, I don't want to hear anything anymore!' or 'sorry, but I'll stick to him no matter what you say' or others....

I'm afraid more than before. Just not ready to see her reply. What kind of diabolical reply might I receive? I'm already about to use up all my ideas. Yet she's still.... highly positive towards that guy. My heart beat increases up high as I began to touch my phone and on the 3G.

I'm afraid.

Will I make it through this?

-10-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-9-

I don't know why but, my feeling about them being together is so strong. her acting towards me is so different from the week before.... I think I'm too late again.

I may receive her reply sooner or later, and her answer can be 'but I'm already together with him.'

and that's when my light turns darkness.

perhaps I would just say congratulation and bye.

-9-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-8-

She said, she was drawn to that guy because that guy seems to show her positive signs that he likes her too. At first she just liked him a little, but due to this, she liked him more. Just signs, but I don't know. I still, think that they'll end up together.

But what I want to say is...... it's the better not to like someone more, just because he/she shows positive signs that he/she likes you too. If that person indeed likes you to, just start the relationship, without having much boring drama.

I said that, but why? Cause I have experienced that feelings long ago and it's very unpleasant.

I liked a girl before. She wasn't really that attractive though. I liked her a bit. But my friends encouraged me to keep on talking and text with her, if I want to get her. And so I did.. I remember a few times that I asked her some question about me, and her answer was so positive that she raised up my feelings towards her. At some point, I get negative feedback from her, and that usually ruins my day. When I about to give up on her, others will support me not to. When I about to lost my feeling towards her, she might just go up to me, smiles and talk to me, and that literally makes me strongly like her again.  At a point where I felt so much positive signs on her, someone told her that I liked her. And she starts to avoid me.

But that doesn't matters to me anymore after she gets together with someone. And that person..... has a total opposite behavior and attitude compared to me. I was....wowed, feeling like a total fool.

So.... all of this 'Positive Signs' have been making me suffer extra. If I weren't too stupid, I would just go away from all of this 'traps'.

I was still dumb after that event. So the same happens to me again when I liked someone else. AGAIN, she wasn't that attractive. I liked her a little only. AND again others..... encouraged me to do the same thing ( different people). And from there.... AGAIN POSITIVE SIGNS TOWARDS ME. At some point~ AGAIN I get negative feedback from people about her~ AGAIN I start to feel down. AND AGAIN POSITIVE SIGN makes me think I have hope. I remember one time when she messages me early in the morning just to greet me. And others was like:

 'WOW you know it's rare to make girls message guys early in the morning?!!'

I was WOWed to that of course. And yea... due to all of these positive signs... I was driven away again.... thinking she likes me too.

Then~~~~ again I was wrong~~~~ the type of people she likes, it's also totally different from me =0=

From there I began to think wisely. There's this girl that's actually nice to me ever since I met her. But I never do anything good to her. I never repay her good deeds toward me. And this time I didn't tell anyone about it. Then I start thinking about her. Then I started to like her. I didn't get carried away to 'POSITIVE SIGNS' anymore. But her deeds is the one that makes me like her more.

And........ you should know that person.

When I was carried away by this positive signs, I literally forget about my close friends, I tend to ignore them for this. And that's what 'SHE' is been doing currently. She starts to ignore me most of the time, putting her 'guy' as the main priority. And of course, she would sacrifice a close friend for it.

Wow wow wow~ To be continued.

-8-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-7-

I thought you will be the same when things happen. again, I was wrong. you indeed go awkward towards me now.

I might regret having you as a friend again. but I realise something.  You treat your friends like I do.

from there, I should know what to do.

-7-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-6-

My stress unable me to play my games and study. But... I'm too far to give up.

There's a way to get things done easily. Be with me. If things doesn't go well, break it. Go to him. From there, you won't lost anyone.

-6-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-5-

So, no matter if you like the guy that likes you too, in the end it will be the same if we were to get together. Just learn to love, that's all she has to do. She might be with him, the 'rare' one and they will be together. What's the different, if we get together? The end will be the same, 'love each other'.

There's no saying that if you are together with someone that likes you too, you can be get happily forever after.

Okay, back to the main part.

I would say she's too carried away due to this 'like the person that likes you too'. I mean like...I feel like, she can just dump me as a friend than leaving him,her guy.

It's like, my first rejection was because she doesn't want to lose me as a friend. But now, she can just throw me away easily. I was like telling her that, if we can't get together, I can't be her friend. But she replied me easily with 'if you wanna step away from my life, acting like stranger...... that's fine with me'. That's so depressing ya know?I was like hoping her to think about it. I didn't know that she's  driven far away due to this. I mean, she doesn't seem to care about me now. It's like she kept me and then, let me go off like this?... Just like pig slaughtering, you care about your pigs, and the pigs loves you too, but they didn't know that in the end , their master will sell them off for their meat. As long as the farmer gets money, they will sell their pigs. So if she gets a guy, she'll forget about me, and let me go off.....Well if you get me,what I mean is she can let me go easily alright?... Not selling my meat.

I'm still depress about it, I will ask her that later (hopefully I can).

So I was wondering what will she answer me if, I ask her this 'Are you gonna choose you close friend, or you guy?'. Well, I can tell the answer is definitely be her guy of course. But I still wanna see how things go.

Sometimes I feel sad cause, there's some time, I feel like her only 'Substitute' friend. When she's bored, she'll go to me. But when her other friend is with her, she'll just dump me immediately. Such attitude from her. But I'm stupid myself that I can't forget her.

I think she'll be with him sooner or maybe now.... Sad erh? For a guy like me to be involved in such matter. Why can't I just be with her, and prove myself rather that i'm correct or not, then Im done. Why is there so much challenges? I don't even know if I can get her as my challenge reward in the end.

I'm stressed out now. And she doesn't care. What a friend.

-5-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-4-

Her statement is wrong. I mean it's not 100% wrong, but still.

I was carried away for sometime. and I began to realise.  what I want to search for is a caring and loving person that can make the relationship stay strong and long.

Let's set a scenario where I just met a girl, as so the girl just met me for the first time. and a month or two passed. and like each other.

i won't immediately confess my feelings since both of us like each other. I mean, we just met. I might not know her inner characteristics and dark side. and if I get together with her, there might be a chance where I just realise her dark side. if i don't like her dark side. There's no choice but to break up of course.  and we won't be talking to each other again.

a month or two is not enough for me. at least half a year will do.

now back to reality.  she said it's hard to find someone that you like, likes you too. I'll describe it by Gold.  you went to hunt for gold. but, the gold that you want is a big chuck type without any other element in it. It's hard to find of course. and on the way you search for this big chuck of gold, you found this tiny tiny gold that stucks to the rocks. you threw it away, thinking you want to hunt for the one that is bigger and has no any other elements in it. and for days...months.. perhaps a year or two, you found one. you're so happy with it, since finding a big chuck of pure gold is very  hard.

but try to compare with the tiny tiny gold you found before. if you accumulate it, and melt it, it will be still gold right?  it may be bigger or smaller, but that's not the idea. in the end, both tiny tiny bit gold and the gold chuck will be made into something right? Let's say you made both of the gold into 2 different ring, but same size. can you sell the ring that you melted from the rare big chunk of gold higher prize than the one you made from the tiny tiny piece of gold that you found in the rocks?

No. their size matters, not how rare they are found. (Except the gold you found in another planet).

what im trying to say is, eventhough it's rare to find one, does it benefit you more?

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-3-

I don't like it how it goes now. even though everything is not yot yet solved. she's now different from any other day. She's like start do avoid? awkward infront of me?

look, she's being awkward now. I still approach her normally. but she seems not to. I begin to hate her personality now. but I'll still continue to fire the missiles.this is just the beginning. the war may take sometime.

if it's true she liked that guy, means I might hate her. cause the person she like might be the person I hate for quite sometime.  but it's her life.

one of her statement was that, 'it's hard to find someone that likes you and you also like that person'.  and since it's happening to her now, and therefore she's too carried away to it.

I believed her for a day. but then after that,  I realised... she was wrong.

-3-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-2-

Worst scenario for now.

-Says 'Enough' or 'stop it' or ' no more please', or anything else that makes me speechless and can't say anything anymore. Well not it's not 'can't say' but ' can't text'.

-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

Battlefield

The way me and her texting is like battlefield. She sends me a message that may just stop me from liking her, and I send her message about my feeling towards her. So it's like missiles are being projectile from one base to another.

I'm losing of course. But just wait until I fire my nukes.

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-1.5-

Even though you like other person. This time I won't fucking just say 'Okay' and go. The will of man,WON'T FUCKING DIE EASILY.

-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-1-

From what I can see now, 'Dark Dawn', will happen. But I pray so that, I can get the best. The best scenario for me. For my future.

-1-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-

Even though it's just few hours away, I get more..... Uncomfortable about this.

Not because of losing friend, but... I don't know if I'm being paranoid or not, I just have a feeling that someone confessed his feeling towards her. I don't know who he is, but still. 

Pretty uncomfortable. Please reply.

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

May not be able to

Today, may be the last day I can enjoy being a close friend of hers. From tomorrow, things will change.

She and I may not be able to:

Go out of the school together.

Walk together to certain class.

Wait for each other before leaving class room.

Talk happily about things.

Smile to each other. 

Eat together.

Study together.

Hang out on weekends.

etc.

But I don't think she has any problem if I'm no longer her friend. She have others,the juniors and seniors. Well she seems to be closer with the juniors. EVEN closer than me. So that's what makes me think like that. I guess you like one of the junior? OR EVEN currently is dating one of the junior? I mean, she's so close with them that when we're walking together she can just leave me or 'dump' me for them. Well I always see her keeping  eyes for one person too. Things can happen, so I can't just ignore that feeling. The moment of truth will be around 24 hours from now. In truth I'm kind of tired being just friend with her when I have feeling towards her. It's hard to control jealousy, sometimes I can manage it, but mostly can't. The moment when she's with the juniors, that's the moment when I can't keep myself calm. There's always this feeling that I believe she is together with one of them. That's why I think the ending of this blog will be 'Dark Dawn'. I don't want that to happen of course. I can't keep having this unnecessary feelings towards her. Like jealousy, I can't study well due to this. It's either be together or not. That's all, I can't be a close friend of her's anymore. Later if things repeat again, I'll be in despair again. 

Pray for tomorrow. Do what I think it's best,and let god do the rest.

By the way my result for IGCSE is kind of depressing, out of 8 subjects, 1 B, 7 A. It's so close to straight A. Damn. 2 marks more then I can get A for that subject.

-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

Determination of Endings

2 days from now it is. So once I get the result, the blog will change it's name. Currently's 'Determination of Endings'. So possible endings are:

Dark Dawn- If she rejects. Dark of course refers to sadness and Dawn means beginning. So, bad beginning.

Cherry Blossom' Dream- If she accepts. It's 'Cherry Blossom' since it's Spring in some country? It may or not last long, if not, means I'll wake up from the 'Dream', if yes? I'll continue the dream until to the very end. I wonder what's the real meaning of 'Cherry Blossom's Dream'. I hope it has good meaning in it o___o

New Dawn-  The ending if I were to wake up from my dream due to an acceptable reason. New dawn? New story with no bad memories from the past.

Foul Past-  The ending if I were to wake up from my dream due to an unacceptable reason. The memory I have with her will be categorized as 'Regret'.


Tomorrow's a big day , I hope I can do well in my Chemistry test and get good result for my IGCSE.

And the day after tomorrow? I hope..... I can get into my Cherry's Blossom Dream.

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-

Today I stressed more than usual. I don't know why but, my breath gets deeper and so my hear beat gets faster. Sweating too. Is it about the same matter?

Perhaps yes. But, not the same topic that I usually stressed up on. I felt like... somethings bad has happened. What happened?

That feeling came again, the feeling of her having somebody already. I don't know why, but it's so strong. The feeling it's so strong that some unusual things is happening to me. I just don't know why it's so strong today.

But I have the basic feelings. From observation and experience. How she reply things and her action makes me feel uncomfortable.

I hope nothing like this happens until this Saturday. That's the day by the way. And the day before it's the day my IGCSE results will come out. I hope I can get straight As so that the fees for my school can be 40% less. At that day, I'll have my Chemistry test too. So this Friday and Saturday will be a very big day for me. I hope everything goes well in that 2 days.

I'm scared about these things. But I think my fear it's mostly concentrated on the problem I have towards her instead of the exam's result.

Today's been a rough evening for me. I hope tomorrow will be better.

-

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-

If rejection do takes place, today is the last day of me going out with her.

Well I enjoyed today. I hope that this isn't the last time for me and her to go out together.

I really want things to go smooth. I can only wish for it. Making it into reality? None other than god has the power to do so.

What can I do in order not to lost her? What must I have in order for that not to happen? What it takes?

1) Money?
2) Fate?
3) Luck?
4) Fame?
5) Future?

I have nothing else to type, cause everything's almost the same from any other day.

(If the worst had happened) 
If you are the 'she' that I've been referring to since the beginning, I apologize for being such a terrible friend. You have many other friends, be close with them, I'm sure they are much better than me.

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-

.

..

...

It's not long until it. And yes, not yet ready to lost someone who's close to me for years. 

Someday I think positively about it, and someday I think negatively about it. Like today. I somehow feel like Rejection will take place, and I can't do anything except from stay away from her. As I have mentioned many times that if I were to go back and friend with her again after rejection, the same story will repeat again.

The worst scenario that I would accept is that, I break up due to... 'Reasonable' reason like studies or etc. Then I may have things back to normal. Even though it's the worst I can take, it's not as bad as rejection.

Having rejection means near 0% of going back as friend where as accept means there will be chance of going back again as friend, have things back to normal.

Can't study well due to this. Of course I have experience this for like a year or 2, and this is my study year. I can't have anything that slows down my studies. Especially bio, I can't seem to concentrate at all this year. And it's ridiculously dangerous since there's alot to study for bio.

.........

I've been thinking negative for most of the time that.... I kind of seem to forget the real meaning of Confessing Feeling towards someone. After last year around middle time, I kept on thinking that I have to confess my feelings TO GET REJECTION so that I CAN FORGET THAT PERSON. 

No more.

I confess, because I want her to be mine. I shall no longer give up on this. I shall see how things are, but if things turn out bad, of course I have to follow the same scenario that I've planned.

......But I still don't know what to say if she's already with someone else though. 

Everytime before going to sleep, my crappy head always tells me 'You're not gonna receive her smile anymore', 'She'll no longer walk beside you and chit chat like friends anymore' and other craps that can be true. I know that she have a lot of friends beside me, so I'm pretty sure that she'll be okay if she lost one of friend from her list. Like the incident before, lost 1 gain.... 5-10?

Cannot stand already arh. But...

I really do hope that I can have her as friend again someday, if something bad happens.

Losing her means losing my close friend. Losing her means part of my childhood memory will turn dark.

I really don't want to let go of her, but I'm currently in a bad situation. There's no other way...

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-

It's not long till that day. But still, I'm not yet ready. 

I don't know why , but these few days I've the feeling that she already have someone. And that will be the worst scenario I mentioned earlier. I won't say name, but I have the same feeling when I saw her with the A level guy last year. I really hope that it does not happen. I don't want drama but that means that I can't say much in the end. Things will come to end very fast if that happens.  

What can I do? Sit down and pray? So that things will turn out well? 

No. I have been praying for things to happen. Even though it's not 100% granted,  I'll be like some greedy mongrel if I kept on begging for things by praying to god. 

What can be done now? Nothing. Absolutely.

Nothing...there's something.

I'm not gonna take that day as a bad day or what so ever negative day. I'll just say it's the day I confess my feeling. The day that I'll if I should be having her as the close one or nothing. The day that I should end my feelings if I have too.

If things don't turn out well, I'll just walk away towards the sunset. But it'll be at night time, so I'll be walking towards the moon at the horizon.But moon never appear half at the horizon.... It may take time for her to answer, maybe a day or two? three or seven? nine or eleven? no matter  I'll just be like any other people who got rejected. Be awkward and blah. I'll only be awkward if rejection takes place. 

.......

I think I'll go out with her this Saturday if anything bad were to happen. Enjoy that day as the last day of going out and have fun with her.

I've been rejected twice and always back to her as a close friend at the very next day. And of course, feelings doesn't go away if I do that again. So, if you wonder why (due to lost track in this blog or etc.) that's the reason why I cannot be her friend again if rejection happens. Of course there are more, if you forgot, re-read this damn blog from the beginning.

I postpone it to maybe either saturday or sunday night, for a better cause.

No. Next Friday.

Sigh 

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-

I have decided to have it next friday if possible. It's gonna be very soon now. Some how I felt... not ready yet. Not ready to lost someone who've been my friend for 5 years. The first person to have my birthday celebrated, always give me present at my birthday and so on....

It's not like I want to do this. It's just that, I've got to forget about these thing and go on with the normal life that I used to have.

Most of my post, I have been describing that day as 'Lost my closest friend day', or say bad things about myself, you, her or others. One fact about me when posting something here is that, Im always in bad mood and that makes me think negatively.

And this post's special, since I'm currently having a neutral mood. So, I won't be saying negative things much now.

Let's us see 'that day' matter from the other side. If I can get her, I don't think I'll be as stress as now. My believe in her makes me feel better. But if things turn out bad, I'll end up hating her, then brake up.If we are to break up with stupid cause or reason, I won't like her ,won't talk to her anymore, start avoiding her, which is the same result if she rejects me.

But, if we brake up due to a reasonable cause, AND if I lost my feeling towards her at that time, I won't avoid or hate her, instead, have the normal life we use to have, which is just Close Friend.

So here's a simple 'diagram' about how it will be like.


                Reject  -----> Hate -----> Avoid -----> No chance of becoming close friend again.
               /                        ^
              /                          |
Confess               Unreasonable break up
              \                         ^
               \                        |
               Accept ----> Good/Bad times ----> Happy ending?
                                          \
                                            \                
                                  Reasonable break up ----> Chance of becoming close friend again.


If (in Reasonable break up situation) anything happens, I won't go awkward, that's my promise.

-


                                           


                                           
                                                                           

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

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The first week of school is not as intense or something that I imagined before. it wss pretty normal. the new people are not retarded, so the class isn't that noisy. The studies are not hard so far, well of course since it's the first week.

Now Im just enjoying something that I couldn't do after chinese new year. Yea. Hang out with that person. There's a new boy that she's looking at sometime now.But no matter,  since things will end soon.

I have to think more about myself more than others. Therefore this is the only thing I can do. If there's another way, I would of course like to hear it. But so far only have one option. 

Im not a good friend in the first place, so I don't think there's any reason why I must stick together with that person.

Let's see what happened at this time last year. It's must have been so hard, even though I can remember the exact thing,I remember I said to myself that,' it's bad, thrust me'. I believe in myself of course. So it's better not to look at the past now. I might go 'Wow'.

Let it be great until the end.

Such memory.Much regret. Wow

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-

After looking back at my holiday, actually there's nothing but silence. So, there's nothing to tell.

I forgot to mention something at the last post.So basically the wish I posted a month ago, succeeded . But seems like, a week ago, i already get used to the life where I don't see her anymore. when she told me she's staying here, I was surprised, don't know to be happy or sad. Well I posted the reason why already.

So, I have decided what to do now. I'll do what I previously planned. I plan to do it a day or 2 before the CNY holiday. Well if I can remember.

It's quite embarrassing for me to do confess my feeling towards someone who rejects me twice though. Well rather than just leaving her without reason, I don't feel nice about it too. So, now just... be my old self.  Let's guess some way of rejection I can get from her.

1)  Study year, cannot get into this relationship.
2)  I'm already with someone.
3)  I just broke up.
4)  Not in mood of relationship.
5)  You're not my type.
6)  Cannot imagine you as mine
7)   You.My.Best.Friend, so cannot.
8)   I hate you, confess so many time still don't know the answer.
9)  Sorry.
10)  I don't know. (Then follow either 1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9 or any combination from (1)-(9) prediction)

The worst scenario will be 1,2,3,8,10. Where there'll be no long conversation since I'll just say, 'Sorry I can't be you friend anymore.' or '....bye.' or ' 'explain my life' then goodbye.'

Any how, I'll end up ignore her. Any answer, even if it's not as what I predicted. Simple.

And that's when this blog will end.

I hope at that day, everything, especially the time is right.

That reminds me of this song. Please do listen to it whole.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puu2Enbb4bs

Long life Daft Punk!

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯

-

Things have gotten different now after my end year holiday.  I'll write the detail about it next time though, since im using phone now.

The different thing is that,I seemed to ignore that girl. The reason's that, I don't want to have the same feelings that I had last year again.

It seems like a little bad for me to do such things to her, since she has done nothing wrong.

Well beside of giving me the most f*** ed up reason of saying im her best friend so relationship should not change. and lied. and others that I can't seem to recall.

The past holiday has made me forgot about all the incidents I had that year. Just like heaven of course. 

Of course after relaxing for too long, we don't feel like want to tackle the challenges we have before again. And that's the reason why.

I don't know if it is the best thing to do for now. In her mind, probably she would only think 'why I seem to be different'.

Of course she does not have the idea why. well except if she reads my blog of course. but of course she doesn't know about this.

Seems like this blog's gonna meet its end soon.

I don't know what to say no  more.

☯ Follow This Person (Better not) ☯