been a while i haven't think about this but, it just came in.
in the whole family tree, i mean the big one, includes my uncles, grandma, and so on~ im the only one that is... so called different.
others (cousins) seems to be more... mannered? or...
don't know the word....
just say that they don't do the stuff or things I do, even my older brother.
my parent ever told me that my aunties always avoid their son or daughters (my cousins and nephews and others) not to be close with me.
feels like.... you'll understand if you apply this concept into yourself and imagine it.
well, i must admit that i never do good things, up till now.
the event occurred this year already changed my characteristic into worst.
im don't have the face to go back and see them now.
ofcourse i'll prove them that im someone that doesn't have to be avoid.
but.... that takes a long time..
none of my cousins i know drinks alcohol.
well im not a heavy drinker (once every few months) but still, everyone has halo on them, but not me.
depress as i am, i still have larger thing to solve. of course im still refering to the same event.but i don't know what to do anymore.
No matter how bad they look at me, no matter no one, even my friends look up at me. There's still a reason why out of close to infinite lifes born in this observable universe and further, and not to mention time of birth, im living now.
Monday, 11 November 2013
Tuesday, 15 October 2013
~.~
I'll just start off with the person I hate.Let's call her....bitch. Simple.
Now now. Im not really the type of person that hates people. But this one ass son of a gun...perhaps, daughter, really is the exception.
Y'all must be wondering why do I hate this person.
I'll tell y'all the story.
I met this person back then.... when i was quite young. She wasn't so bad for 2 years. She's definitely not like now of course.
Until a day, she asked me who I like. I told her who and told her to keep it as a secret (I was so stupid that time). She wrote it down in a notebook (the person I like). And guess what?
Less than a week, everyone knows.
Few weeks later, I forgive and forget her. I don't want to keep things inside for too long.
Year later, I liked another person. And whenever I want to talk with her, this bitch came in and interrupt (usually by taking her away to somewhere else). Well of course I don't wanna follow, I don't want to know their business.
And that happens almost all the time. So basically small wrath becomes big.
Seems like my forgive and forget does not work on her anymore, it's just.... too much.
A year past or two, I liked another person (I don't know how to choose girls that time, so dumb).
Well this time, the dog rarely interrupts us, but still, rarely means few times can happen.
The day when I realize that I have been choosing girls blindly, I liked this girl. (The girl that I have been talking about in this blog).
As I remember I liked her because I have been friend with her for...4 years.
And of course, she is not so close with this dog.
And so..... yea, the story is mostly in this blog, go ahead and read it.
The next year, which is this year, I have been doing fine without this animal interrupts me.
I remembered that my class held a 'Business Trip' which is ' Leadership Training'.
Sadly the girl I like did not follow since her father didn't allow her to.
The grouping is not up to me to choose, and I was in the same group as the dog.
Well, since I'm in the group, why don't I try to be good with her again?
Yes I did it, my hate-redness towards her gone. So basically, I have no one that I hate.
I expect this to be until the end of the year but NOOOOOOO.
Now she's close with the person I like , and changed her life.
She used to be the person that does not go home late at night. But now, in a week, she can go out and party until 11 for like, 4-5 times?
As I remember, her parents are strict in this, seems like she tell lies all times now.
And guess what next, now she went to places like Pool and others (don't know if she goes to pubs).
It's not wrong to go but, as we know, most people there are 'not so good'. (well sometimes I go)
Now she's just.... became into some pai kia (gangsters).
Guess what next?
She wears almost the same as that ass.
It's just like... No longer the same.
I hope things don't get worst and I hope that I won't regret having her as the person that I like.
This remembers me the twice times she makes me regret having her as a friend.
And currently I'm waiting for her text reply.
Well, beside she steal her away from me now whenever I want to talk to her, once happened, just few days ago, I asked wanted to go out with her, but before I said anything, she told me she's going out with that beast. That beast really is one asshole-less beast ever. I wanted to make my day better, the beast always have to destroy it. Why does the beast changes her life???? Beast it's always a beast, making other a beast.
But I'll either stop her from turning into like a beast or just unfriend her.
In the name of justice I'll follow first choice.
Imagine there's no existence of her, perhaps my life will be.... can't imagine, it's too... beautiful.
Perhaps... she was sent from hell... god wants my life to be balance, where the is good, there is evil.
I hope that she can change back to 'normal' again and for that wretched animal? Hahaha hopefully,i can stop hating her.
Now now. Im not really the type of person that hates people. But this one ass son of a gun...perhaps, daughter, really is the exception.
Y'all must be wondering why do I hate this person.
I'll tell y'all the story.
I met this person back then.... when i was quite young. She wasn't so bad for 2 years. She's definitely not like now of course.
Until a day, she asked me who I like. I told her who and told her to keep it as a secret (I was so stupid that time). She wrote it down in a notebook (the person I like). And guess what?
Less than a week, everyone knows.
Few weeks later, I forgive and forget her. I don't want to keep things inside for too long.
Year later, I liked another person. And whenever I want to talk with her, this bitch came in and interrupt (usually by taking her away to somewhere else). Well of course I don't wanna follow, I don't want to know their business.
And that happens almost all the time. So basically small wrath becomes big.
Seems like my forgive and forget does not work on her anymore, it's just.... too much.
A year past or two, I liked another person (I don't know how to choose girls that time, so dumb).
Well this time, the dog rarely interrupts us, but still, rarely means few times can happen.
The day when I realize that I have been choosing girls blindly, I liked this girl. (The girl that I have been talking about in this blog).
As I remember I liked her because I have been friend with her for...4 years.
And of course, she is not so close with this dog.
And so..... yea, the story is mostly in this blog, go ahead and read it.
The next year, which is this year, I have been doing fine without this animal interrupts me.
I remembered that my class held a 'Business Trip' which is ' Leadership Training'.
Sadly the girl I like did not follow since her father didn't allow her to.
The grouping is not up to me to choose, and I was in the same group as the dog.
Well, since I'm in the group, why don't I try to be good with her again?
Yes I did it, my hate-redness towards her gone. So basically, I have no one that I hate.
I expect this to be until the end of the year but NOOOOOOO.
Now she's close with the person I like , and changed her life.
She used to be the person that does not go home late at night. But now, in a week, she can go out and party until 11 for like, 4-5 times?
As I remember, her parents are strict in this, seems like she tell lies all times now.
And guess what next, now she went to places like Pool and others (don't know if she goes to pubs).
It's not wrong to go but, as we know, most people there are 'not so good'. (well sometimes I go)
Now she's just.... became into some pai kia (gangsters).
Guess what next?
She wears almost the same as that ass.
It's just like... No longer the same.
I hope things don't get worst and I hope that I won't regret having her as the person that I like.
This remembers me the twice times she makes me regret having her as a friend.
And currently I'm waiting for her text reply.
Well, beside she steal her away from me now whenever I want to talk to her, once happened, just few days ago, I asked wanted to go out with her, but before I said anything, she told me she's going out with that beast. That beast really is one asshole-less beast ever. I wanted to make my day better, the beast always have to destroy it. Why does the beast changes her life???? Beast it's always a beast, making other a beast.
But I'll either stop her from turning into like a beast or just unfriend her.
In the name of justice I'll follow first choice.
Imagine there's no existence of her, perhaps my life will be.... can't imagine, it's too... beautiful.
Perhaps... she was sent from hell... god wants my life to be balance, where the is good, there is evil.
I hope that she can change back to 'normal' again and for that wretched animal? Hahaha hopefully,i can stop hating her.
Tuesday, 8 October 2013
Sound of Silence
When you're bored, anywhere you are, you will still feel 'the silence'.
Of course that indicates that I'm bored.
Empty...
Alone...
I'm not the one that can life alone.
But today is exceptionally bored.
The silence is to...
'Intense'...
Empty....empty...empty....
Kosong...kosong..kosong..
Koq...rasanya kosong?
Seperti pantat bolong?
Ndk pernah saya rasain,
Kekosogan sperti ini.
dafaq.
Of course that indicates that I'm bored.
Empty...
Alone...
I'm not the one that can life alone.
But today is exceptionally bored.
The silence is to...
'Intense'...
Empty....empty...empty....
Kosong...kosong..kosong..
Koq...rasanya kosong?
Seperti pantat bolong?
Ndk pernah saya rasain,
Kekosogan sperti ini.
dafaq.
Thursday, 5 September 2013
Writing on shirt day and 'that' friendship
Today my class starts doing..... so called 'vandalize on shirt' day.
I hate it.
It feels like people use their sharp things and start mollesting it on my body
It tasted like used condoms.(that's what Gyldick says)
Until now, I don't see the point why people write write things on friends shirt before leaving.
I mean like....
In the end,
We'll keep it inside a closet and..... that's all....
They will only see it when they accidentally found it.
Does writing on shirt means they will always remember each other?
Don't bluff meh.
I can tell that no one will contact me unless I contact them first.
There's no use of this thing.
As long as friends promise and believe in each other that they will be their friends no matter they go,
this is not needed.
Even Nathaniel says I got the point.
People may say I have no life.
But the thing is.
It's my life.
You people like to do 'that' but I like to do 'this'.
Why you want everyone to be like you?
Everyone is born with the power called 'Choice'.
It's up to us what to do in life, as long it doesn't destroy other people's life.
Now get to friendship.
Friendship is similar a ship.
One day something will happen and it'll either sink or be destroyed.
But there's one different thing.
Friend'ship' can be repaired, as long as the both partners agree to a condition.
Well....
There's nothing much to say since I'm bored currently and lazy to study.
Owrh...
Last thing.
Perhaps you know already.
No matter how close your friendship is, whenever (your close friend) he/she confess his/her feeling towards you, never ever mention that since he/she is your close friend and you afraid that he/she may be no longer your close friend if you were to break up with him/her in the future as a rejection.
Why?
You are just making(your friend) him/her regret having you as his/her close friend and holding up his/her feeling towards you. Which is the same things as making him/her suffer.
How does it relate to suffer?
He or she may still want to be your close friend. But he/she knows that no matter how lose he/she is with you, they won't be able to win you. Instead, he/she is just being with someone the know the can't have.
I hate it.
It feels like people use their sharp things and start mollesting it on my body
It tasted like used condoms.(that's what Gyldick says)
Until now, I don't see the point why people write write things on friends shirt before leaving.
I mean like....
In the end,
We'll keep it inside a closet and..... that's all....
They will only see it when they accidentally found it.
Does writing on shirt means they will always remember each other?
Don't bluff meh.
I can tell that no one will contact me unless I contact them first.
There's no use of this thing.
As long as friends promise and believe in each other that they will be their friends no matter they go,
this is not needed.
Even Nathaniel says I got the point.
People may say I have no life.
But the thing is.
It's my life.
You people like to do 'that' but I like to do 'this'.
Why you want everyone to be like you?
Everyone is born with the power called 'Choice'.
It's up to us what to do in life, as long it doesn't destroy other people's life.
Now get to friendship.
Friendship is similar a ship.
One day something will happen and it'll either sink or be destroyed.
But there's one different thing.
Friend'ship' can be repaired, as long as the both partners agree to a condition.
Well....
There's nothing much to say since I'm bored currently and lazy to study.
Owrh...
Last thing.
Perhaps you know already.
No matter how close your friendship is, whenever (your close friend) he/she confess his/her feeling towards you, never ever mention that since he/she is your close friend and you afraid that he/she may be no longer your close friend if you were to break up with him/her in the future as a rejection.
Why?
You are just making(your friend) him/her regret having you as his/her close friend and holding up his/her feeling towards you. Which is the same things as making him/her suffer.
How does it relate to suffer?
He or she may still want to be your close friend. But he/she knows that no matter how lose he/she is with you, they won't be able to win you. Instead, he/she is just being with someone the know the can't have.
Sunday, 25 August 2013
you have given me the worst
i heard it.
you are really together with that a level boy.
you said it...
you don't want to have one.
you SAID THAT you don't want to try
YOU SAID YOU ARE NOT CONFIDENT.
YOU SAID IT THAT YOU ARE NOT IN THE MOOD TO HAVE ONE.
YOU SAID IT YOURSELF!!!. YOU FREAKING SAID THAT TO ME. YOU DID YOU FREAKING SAY IT.
YET? YOU ARE NOW TOGETHER WITH HIM.
YOU LIED.
YOU SAID THAT I'M YOUR CLOSE FRIEND! YOU DON'T WANT TO LOST ME AS ONE.
yet?
YET?
YET?
YET?
WITHOUT HAVING TO BE TOLD, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT YOUR ACTION IS THE SAME THING AS HAVING ME TO HATE YOU, WHICH IN RESULT OF LOSING YOU AS MY FRIEND.
LAST NIGHT I CAN'T SLEEP. THINKING WHY WOULD YOU LIE.
LAST NIGHT I SWEARED LIKE HELL TO MYSELF.
I PROMISED MYSELF THAT I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE ANY MORE BEST FRIEND SO THAT I WON'T FEEL SAD WHEN THAT PERSON BETRAYED ME.
AND GUESS WHAT? I GAVE MYSELF A CHANCE OF HAVING ONE BEST FRIEND AGAIN.
WHICH IS YOU.
AND GUESS WHAT'S THE BEST PART IS? YOU FAILED AS ONE!
BOOOYEAHHHH HOW COOL IS THAT HUH?
WOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!
ENCOOREEE!!!!!!
i though like this,' this person won't give me such sadness la~'
BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
YOU GAVE ME THE WORST SADNESS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE SO FAR.
NOW I'LL SERIOUSLY THINK ABOUT HOW TO DISPOSE YOU AS MY FRIEND.
I DON'T KNOW I CAN, BUT I'LL GIVE IT A STRONG TRY.
I REGRETTED HAVING YOU AS MY BEST FRIEND ONCE. WHEN YOU GAVE THE THE REASON I'M YOUR CLOSE FRIEND. NOW??? AGAIN?! YOU HAVE JUST MADE ME REGRET HAVING YOU AS A FRIEND FOR THE SECOND TIME!!
you are really together with that a level boy.
you said it...
you don't want to have one.
you SAID THAT you don't want to try
YOU SAID YOU ARE NOT CONFIDENT.
YOU SAID IT THAT YOU ARE NOT IN THE MOOD TO HAVE ONE.
YOU SAID IT YOURSELF!!!. YOU FREAKING SAID THAT TO ME. YOU DID YOU FREAKING SAY IT.
YET? YOU ARE NOW TOGETHER WITH HIM.
YOU LIED.
YOU SAID THAT I'M YOUR CLOSE FRIEND! YOU DON'T WANT TO LOST ME AS ONE.
yet?
YET?
YET?
YET?
WITHOUT HAVING TO BE TOLD, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT YOUR ACTION IS THE SAME THING AS HAVING ME TO HATE YOU, WHICH IN RESULT OF LOSING YOU AS MY FRIEND.
LAST NIGHT I CAN'T SLEEP. THINKING WHY WOULD YOU LIE.
LAST NIGHT I SWEARED LIKE HELL TO MYSELF.
I PROMISED MYSELF THAT I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE ANY MORE BEST FRIEND SO THAT I WON'T FEEL SAD WHEN THAT PERSON BETRAYED ME.
AND GUESS WHAT? I GAVE MYSELF A CHANCE OF HAVING ONE BEST FRIEND AGAIN.
WHICH IS YOU.
AND GUESS WHAT'S THE BEST PART IS? YOU FAILED AS ONE!
BOOOYEAHHHH HOW COOL IS THAT HUH?
WOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!
ENCOOREEE!!!!!!
i though like this,' this person won't give me such sadness la~'
BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
YOU GAVE ME THE WORST SADNESS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE SO FAR.
NOW I'LL SERIOUSLY THINK ABOUT HOW TO DISPOSE YOU AS MY FRIEND.
I DON'T KNOW I CAN, BUT I'LL GIVE IT A STRONG TRY.
I REGRETTED HAVING YOU AS MY BEST FRIEND ONCE. WHEN YOU GAVE THE THE REASON I'M YOUR CLOSE FRIEND. NOW??? AGAIN?! YOU HAVE JUST MADE ME REGRET HAVING YOU AS A FRIEND FOR THE SECOND TIME!!
Saturday, 3 August 2013
童话
okay..been so long have I not update my shitty blog.
Now is Raya. and today's the first day of raya (i include the first weekend)
before i start typing these, takes me a while to think of what to write.
thinking about blog, reminds me of someone's blog.
of course the person that i liked.
then from there... i decided what to write about.
童话, means fairy tale in Chinese. almost all fairy tale (i think all) have happy endings where the.... girl and..the boy (perhaps a prince) would be together forever after.
well, she used to believe in such thing, until that day..... well... 'D' Day... whatsoever....
She stated that 'Happy Endings' does not exist. because after happy ending in the story, when the prince married the girl (a princess) ,they will still in the end face problems in the future.
I believe in that because in life, god, our teacher, will always give us challenges until the day we perish. And from there it is up to the prince and princess to face it.
But, there's one thing that is missing from there. Let's talk about.... Cinderella (great childhood you have if you don't know her).In the end she gets together with the prince and the end , happy ending. But challenges will come in their future right?
But it's HAPPY ENDING RIGHT? ENDING?THERE SHOULD NOT BE ANYMORE CHALLENGES.
There's a reason behind happy endings( in fairy tales).
They of course face problems in the future. But the thing is that, even though there's challenges in their future, they solve them without having their relationship destroyed. Solve problems without having suicidal. They face their challenges together until the day they die happily.
That is the real reason of Happy Endings in Fairy Tale.So basically Happy endings exists in fairy tales, when both of them solve their problems together.
Now, let's talk about real life happy endings.
In fairy tale, we know when happy ending will happen. But in real life, there's only one point of happy ending.
The moment when you want it to happen.
Why so? Cause as what she mentioned, 'they will in the end face trouble in the future'. As now talking about real life fact, Happy Ending, can start whenever you want.Any time any where.
Why so?
As i mentioned in ft (fairy tale), they have happy ending, but they will still face challenges in their future.They face the challenges together until the end.
Now compare it with our life. in ft, happy ending only happens when the writer wants them to have. But in real life, we have no one writing our life script. Means, we can start our happy ending anytime. It's just that, whenever we start to face challenges without having complains, despairs or agony, we can solve them without having a change to our feelings and surrounding. Feeling doesn't change, which means happiness is still there. Surroundings doesn't change, which means no divorce and hatred happenS. Isn't it like, life's story remains the same? Still happy and together? If you start being happy at that moment until the end, isn't it counted as happy ending? Since you happiness is dragged till the end?
You can start you happy ending anytime. But when you start, you may not notice it. You may only notice it when you are going to die. Why? Because in future surely there will be more challenges right?
But if you promise yourself to remain the same (remains happy) after facing your future challenges, you can start believing yourself to have happy ending already.
Now let's see how to know if you had a happy ending.
Before death, see your past and decide. Simple.
Now to summarize everything.
- Happy endings does exist in both Real Life and Fairy Tale.
- Happy ending is the point where someone/couple starts working together to solve their problems without changing their friendship/relationship/feelings
- Happy ending in Real Life can happen anytime, it's just up to you when to start.
- Happy ending cannot be noticed by yourself until the moment when challenges stop coming, the moment when you are going to die.( so before you die, run through your past memories and decide if you are happy with it or not)
I'm so bored....
Friday, 5 July 2013
This is (not) it.
Jealous. Leads to my stress. Stress leads to my health problem.
I hate liking you. Liking you caused me to change my everything. From my health to attitude to family. Family problem is yet solve =,=
I hate myself now.. Cause I just can't stop liking you. I told myself already. If I buy you flowers, you won't like me. If I buy you anything, you also won't like me. I have been observing around, you and that A level guy seems to like each other....When ever I think about it, I just hurt myself and that's retarded. I told myself. What ever I do, I will never ever win you. I think .... That you only like people that's not as ugly as me. Now I no longer believe that close friend can be together with close friends. I forced myself to believe that you like that guy. I hurts as having fishing hook around my body.. And I always get jealous =,= But still... There's no way I can forget the statement or fact that 'I still like you'.
With all my forced believe I thought I can forget everything. BUT NO.
After this year we'll be apart. Yet.... I just can't....
Ps. Unable to continue.
I hate liking you. Liking you caused me to change my everything. From my health to attitude to family. Family problem is yet solve =,=
I hate myself now.. Cause I just can't stop liking you. I told myself already. If I buy you flowers, you won't like me. If I buy you anything, you also won't like me. I have been observing around, you and that A level guy seems to like each other....When ever I think about it, I just hurt myself and that's retarded. I told myself. What ever I do, I will never ever win you. I think .... That you only like people that's not as ugly as me. Now I no longer believe that close friend can be together with close friends. I forced myself to believe that you like that guy. I hurts as having fishing hook around my body.. And I always get jealous =,= But still... There's no way I can forget the statement or fact that 'I still like you'.
With all my forced believe I thought I can forget everything. BUT NO.
After this year we'll be apart. Yet.... I just can't....
Ps. Unable to continue.
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